I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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