While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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