i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
