my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
