Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
