plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
