How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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