got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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