Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
