if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
