I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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