somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
