Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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