His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Never underestimate the power of titties
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