I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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