She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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