You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
