i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
