I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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