Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
