butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
