Sponge bath it is.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
