you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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