Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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