This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
