Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
