i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
