i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
