i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
