we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
