I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My penis needs a shock collar
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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