Where did you get a picture of my penis
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
