She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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