The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
