you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
