I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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