Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
