Can i not drive my cunt home
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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