dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
