dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i believe in u and ur pee
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
