drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
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She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize