So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
