A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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