The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
