god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
