You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
