well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
