She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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