I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
