I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
