I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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