Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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