does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
