is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we're making bets on your personal life
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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