Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
