the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
