D3 body, D1 cock
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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