woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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