So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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