just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
